Improbable, but defying all odds sanity and reason were the night's biggest winners.
Super Tuesday began to look like it was going to be anything but super. Trump looked to have a strangle hold on...well, I guess we will go with the "Conservative" Party. But that dwindled to Apprentice like viewership numbers as the voters started actually listening to what he was saying.
Robot Rubio continued firmware updates late into the day, hoping to stay relevant and connect with young people. Unfortunately, he is as popular as another piece of failed technology, the iPod.
The extremely popular Senator from Texas looks to be on his way home. His campaign of honesty and dignity stood no chance against his opponent's campaigns. Senator Cruz should not fret too much over this loss since he will be welcomed back to the Senate, where he is a respected leader, with open arms.
Former surgeon and (I have to guess because he was a surgeon) smart person, Ben Carson does not exist in this universe, and honestly - I do not think anyone has noticed.
On the Democratic Side of things, the two person race saw one clear leader emerge.
Against the advice of nearly everyone, Secretary Clinton continued her campaign of talking down to voters like a disappointed mother. Her new campaign slogan, "Entitled" did not resonate with voters like her campaign thought it would. It appears the masses really are tired of the same old shit dressed up in a different pants suit.
The big winner was Senator Sanders from Vermont. A last second rally propelled the grandfather like figure into the winners circle. Collecting an unprecedented 92% of the super-delegate votes, Senator Sanders is now the official choice for both political parties. When reached for comment both the RNC and DNC leaders were seen arm in arm, laughing, and unless this reporter is mistaken...having a slap fight.
It truly is a glorious time.